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	—or— Take My Father...Please!
	How To Survive Caring For Aging Parents
	by Jacqueline Marcell

Eldercare / Alzheimer’s Speaker, Author, Radio Host, Caregiver Advocate

TABLE OF CONTENTS

1.	IF IT ISN'T TEN THINGS—IT'S TWENTY	1
	I’ve Seen Fire and I've Seen Rain Drops Fallin' on My Head • Cries and Careless Whispers • Reality Bites the Hell Outta Ya • Just a Little R-E-S-P-E-C-T When I Come Home • Le Miserable

2.	HYDE STRUNG IN PLAIN SIGHT	17
	What’s It All About, Jackie • Losing My Religion • As the Wounded Turn • One Life to Live -or- Two Minds to Lose

3.	MY LITTLE GANG OF RASCALS	33
	Phantom Menace of the Old Folk’s Farm • Do Not Back Up: Severe Life Damage • And Then Came Mom • Penny Wise and Pounds of Foolish Fiddlers • Grouch-Ohhh! • Demented Times Require Desperate Measures

4.	HONEY, I BLEW UP THE HOUSE	47
	Shock It to Me • Fred and Wilma Moved to Green Acres • The Man From U.N.Believable • Look Who's Talking Now • Miss Judge What Your County Can Do For You

5.	JACQUELINE, YOU IGNORANT SLUT	67
	Good Morning, Vietnam • And Then Along Came Something About Mary Jo • I'm Steppin' Into the Third Dementia • I Remember Mama Said There’d Be Months Like This

6.	IN A OH-MY-GODDADIVIDA, HONEY	87
	I'm Dreamin' of a Wishful Christmas • More Nonsense and Responsibilities • If This Table Could Talk

7.	NURTURE and NATURE MESSED HIM UP	103
	The Way They Were • "Grumpy Old Men" Was a Documentary • It Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda Been a Wonderful Life • Merrily, Merrily, Life Is But a Scream

8.	MENDING SHATTERED FENCES	117
	Too Good to Be True Lies -or- Dared Consequences • I'm Mad as Hell and I'm Not... • That's Me in the Spotlight

9.	FUGITIVES FROM INJUSTICE	137
	He Ought to Be in Pictures Worth a Thousand Words • Star Searching For Sanity -or- All My Caregivers • The Price of the Prejudice • The Old and the Restless • Midsummer's Nightmare at the Alamo

10.	ENTER TERRI	159
	May the Driving Force Be With You • Long Day's Journey Into Nightmares • Clear and Present Danger: The Hospital • Joined at the Hip

11.	AMAZING ARIANA	177
	Oh What a Wangled Web We Weave • The Hardest Working Maniac in Show Business • Pros and Cons

12.	ONCE AN ADULT, TWICE A CHILD	185
	Old Age Is Not For Cry Babies • Still Crazy After All These Years • Liar Liar, Pants on Fire • Unsolved Maniac Mysteries • Gentle, Dependable, Overnight Disbelief • Even Ripley Won't Believe It

13.	FRIENDS AND FAMILY MATTERS MOST	201
	Desperately Seeking Sanity • The Three Faces of Jacqueline • The Outer Limits of Suspected Belief • I'm All Outta Whole Lotta Love • I'd Rather Donate a Kidney... To Oprah

14.	GULLIBLE'S TRAVELS -or- SMALL BALLS OF FIRE	217
	Bound and Gagged By Honor • Two, Two, Two Minds in One • Abbott and Costello Meet Jekyll & Hyde • In the Heat of the Day For Night • Relative Relativity -or- Tommy Can You Hear Me? • The Greatest Story I Ever TOLD YOU SO

15.	ACHY BREAKY HEART OF HEARTS	233
	Unwanted: Dead or Alive • Bound on Broadway • What a Long Strange Trip It's Been • Hyde Risk Behavior • Born to Be Just a Wild and Crazy Guy

16.	TO BE DEMENTED OR DECEPTIVE? THAT WAS THE QUESTION	251
	How to Earn a Ph.D. at Home • Ahhh, Hindsight— It's Always 20/20, Barbara

APPENDIX

Behavior Modification Guidelines		272
When a Difficult Elder Displays Good Behavior		273
	Verbal Praise, Loving Physical Affection, Edible Treats, Special Activity, Special Attention, Gold Stars Chart

When a Difficult Elder Displays Negative Behavior		275
	Verbal Commands, Time-Outs, Three Strikes, Shame, Remove Specific Privileges/Charts, Call the Police

How Do I Handle My Elderly Loved One Who:		278
Wants all my time and attention?		278
Makes constant unreasonable demands?		279
Is inflexible, critical and negative?		279
Complains about real or imagined physical symptoms?		280
Exhibits bizarre behavior and uses foul language?		281
Has become suspicious and paranoid?		282
Is experiencing increasing levels of memory loss?		282
Makes up silly lies, exaggerates and cries wolf?		282
Prefers to stay in bed or do nothing—"waiting to die"?		283
Refuses to allow a cleaning person into their home?		284
Gets furious if something doesn’t happen at a specific time?		284
Gets mad when told "no" they can’t do something?		284
Wants to eat constantly or only wants to eat the same thing?		285
Refuses to take showers and change their underclothes?		285
Is a danger on the road, but refuses to give up driving?		286
Needs but refuses to allow any caregiving help in the home?		286
Can no longer take proper care of their bills and finances?		289
Refuses to see other doctors, but is not getting adequate care?		290
Needs to see a psychiatrist, but absolutely refuses to go?		291
Acts completely normal and charming in front of others?		292
Fakes illness at the Day Care to avoid staying?		292
Is driving me crazy as I try to deal with all their problems?		293
Has pushed me to feelings of resentment and guilt?		294
Cannot be reasoned with when they go into an illogical rage?		295
Is unmanageable and needs to be placed in a home?		296

Long-Term Care Insurance		297

Ten Warning Signs of Alzheimer's Disease		298

How Is Alzheimer's Disease Diagnosed?		299

Three Stages of Alzheimer's Disease		300

Startling Statistics		302

Other Diseases That Act Like Alzheimer's		304

Epilog		305

Physician’s Guide to Treating Aggression in Dementia		306
	By Rodman Shankle, MS, MD. Specialist in Dementia. Former Medical Director, UC Irvine Alzheimer’s Center

Types of Aggressive Behavior		308
The Nine Major Causes of Aggressive Behavior		309
The Potential for Violent Aggressive Behavior		311
Medications That Can Increase or Decrease Aggression		311
Diagnosis of the Cause of Aggression		313
Aggression Evaluation Steps to Determine the Best Treatment		314
Screening		316
Prevention		318
Neuroanatomy of Aggression		319
Neurophysiology of Aggression		319
Treatment of Aggression		320
Behavioral Treatment of Aggression		320
Medications to Treat Aggression		321
Anti-Aggression Medications Grouped by Their Site of Action		324
Conclusion		328

Hope For the Future		331

Valuable Resources		336

Recommended Reading		343

Contact the Author		346

"I thought I knew Jacqueline until I read her book. Wow, what a story! If you're caring for an elder, you won't believe how much this book
will help you."

—Regis Philbin

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Jacqueline Marcell