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—or—
Take My Father...Please!

How To Survive
Caring For Aging Parents

by Jacqueline Marcell
Eldercare / Alzheimer’s Speaker, Author, Radio Host, Caregiver Advocate
TABLE OF CONTENTS

1. IF IT ISN'T TEN THINGS—IT'S TWENTY 1
 
I’ve Seen Fire and I've Seen Rain Drops Fallin' on My Head • Cries and Careless Whispers • Reality Bites the Hell Outta Ya • Just a Little R-E-S-P-E-C-T When I Come Home • Le Miserable

2. HYDE STRUNG IN PLAIN SIGHT 17
 
What’s It All About, Jackie • Losing My Religion • As the Wounded Turn • One Life to Live -or- Two Minds to Lose

3. MY LITTLE GANG OF RASCALS 33
 
Phantom Menace of the Old Folk’s Farm • Do Not Back Up: Severe Life Damage • And Then Came Mom • Penny Wise and Pounds of Foolish Fiddlers • Grouch-Ohhh! • Demented Times Require Desperate Measures

4. HONEY, I BLEW UP THE HOUSE 47
 
Shock It to Me • Fred and Wilma Moved to Green Acres • The Man From U.N.Believable • Look Who's Talking Now • Miss Judge What Your County Can Do For You

5. JACQUELINE, YOU IGNORANT SLUT 67
 
Good Morning, Vietnam • And Then Along Came Something About Mary Jo • I'm Steppin' Into the Third Dementia • I Remember Mama Said There’d Be Months Like This

6. IN A OH-MY-GODDADIVIDA, HONEY 87
 
I'm Dreamin' of a Wishful Christmas • More Nonsense and Responsibilities • If This Table Could Talk

7. NURTURE and NATURE MESSED HIM UP 103
 
The Way They Were • "Grumpy Old Men" Was a Documentary • It Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda Been a Wonderful Life • Merrily, Merrily, Life Is But a Scream

8. MENDING SHATTERED FENCES 117
 
Too Good to Be True Lies -or- Dared Consequences • I'm Mad as Hell and I'm Not... • That's Me in the Spotlight

9. FUGITIVES FROM INJUSTICE 137
 
He Ought to Be in Pictures Worth a Thousand Words • Star Searching For Sanity -or- All My Caregivers • The Price of the Prejudice • The Old and the Restless • Midsummer's Nightmare at the Alamo

10. ENTER TERRI 159
 
May the Driving Force Be With You • Long Day's Journey Into Nightmares • Clear and Present Danger: The Hospital • Joined at the Hip

11. AMAZING ARIANA 177
 
Oh What a Wangled Web We Weave • The Hardest Working Maniac in Show Business • Pros and Cons

12. ONCE AN ADULT, TWICE A CHILD 185
 
Old Age Is Not For Cry Babies • Still Crazy After All These Years • Liar Liar, Pants on Fire • Unsolved Maniac Mysteries • Gentle, Dependable, Overnight Disbelief • Even Ripley Won't Believe It

13. FRIENDS AND FAMILY MATTERS MOST 201
 
Desperately Seeking Sanity • The Three Faces of Jacqueline • The Outer Limits of Suspected Belief • I'm All Outta Whole Lotta Love • I'd Rather Donate a Kidney... To Oprah

14. GULLIBLE'S TRAVELS -or- SMALL BALLS OF FIRE 217
 
Bound and Gagged By Honor • Two, Two, Two Minds in One • Abbott and Costello Meet Jekyll & Hyde • In the Heat of the Day For Night • Relative Relativity -or- Tommy Can You Hear Me? • The Greatest Story I Ever TOLD YOU SO

15. ACHY BREAKY HEART OF HEARTS 233
 
Unwanted: Dead or Alive • Bound on Broadway • What a Long Strange Trip It's Been • Hyde Risk Behavior • Born to Be Just a Wild and Crazy Guy

16. TO BE DEMENTED OR DECEPTIVE? THAT WAS
THE QUESTION
251
 
How to Earn a Ph.D. at Home • Ahhh, Hindsight—
It's Always 20/20, Barbara

APPENDIX

Behavior Modification Guidelines 272
When a Difficult Elder Displays Good Behavior 273
  Verbal Praise, Loving Physical Affection, Edible Treats,
Special Activity, Special Attention, Gold Stars Chart

When a Difficult Elder Displays Negative Behavior 275
  Verbal Commands, Time-Outs, Three Strikes, Shame, Remove Specific Privileges/Charts, Call the Police

How Do I Handle My Elderly Loved One Who: 278
Wants all my time and attention? 278
Makes constant unreasonable demands? 279
Is inflexible, critical and negative? 279
Complains about real or imagined physical symptoms? 280
Exhibits bizarre behavior and uses foul language? 281
Has become suspicious and paranoid? 282
Is experiencing increasing levels of memory loss? 282
Makes up silly lies, exaggerates and cries wolf? 282
Prefers to stay in bed or do nothing—"waiting to die"? 283
Refuses to allow a cleaning person into their home? 284
Gets furious if something doesn’t happen at a specific time? 284
Gets mad when told "no" they can’t do something? 284
Wants to eat constantly or only wants to eat the same thing? 285
Refuses to take showers and change their underclothes? 285
Is a danger on the road, but refuses to give up driving? 286
Needs but refuses to allow any caregiving help in the home? 286
Can no longer take proper care of their bills and finances? 289
Refuses to see other doctors, but is not getting adequate care? 290
Needs to see a psychiatrist, but absolutely refuses to go? 291
Acts completely normal and charming in front of others? 292
Fakes illness at the Day Care to avoid staying? 292
Is driving me crazy as I try to deal with all their problems? 293
Has pushed me to feelings of resentment and guilt? 294
Cannot be reasoned with when they go into an illogical rage? 295
Is unmanageable and needs to be placed in a home? 296

Long-Term Care Insurance 297

Ten Warning Signs of Alzheimer's Disease 298

How Is Alzheimer's Disease Diagnosed? 299

Three Stages of Alzheimer's Disease 300

Startling Statistics 302

Other Diseases That Act Like Alzheimer's 304

Epilog 305

Physician’s Guide to Treating Aggression in Dementia 306
  By Rodman Shankle, MS, MD. Specialist in Dementia.
Former Medical Director, UC Irvine Alzheimer’s Center

Types of Aggressive Behavior 308
The Nine Major Causes of Aggressive Behavior 309
The Potential for Violent Aggressive Behavior 311
Medications That Can Increase or Decrease Aggression 311
Diagnosis of the Cause of Aggression 313
Aggression Evaluation Steps to Determine the Best Treatment 314
Screening 316
Prevention 318
Neuroanatomy of Aggression 319
Neurophysiology of Aggression 319
Treatment of Aggression 320
Behavioral Treatment of Aggression 320
Medications to Treat Aggression 321
Anti-Aggression Medications Grouped by Their Site of Action 324
Conclusion 328

Hope For the Future 331

Valuable Resources 336

Recommended Reading 343

Contact the Author 346
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"I thought I knew Jacqueline until I read her book. Wow, what a story! If you're caring for an elder, you won't believe how much this book
will help you."

—Regis Philbin
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<em>Elder Rage</em> Book Cover
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